My Not So First Time
by seamusog
Summary: Yuuri takes charge of his sex life after learning from a talking plant that the Maou and Wolfram have been having sex for many months and he had been blocking the truth from his memories. Warning: Sex, Plot? What is this thing called plot?


**Author's Notes:** This was written for a challenge and it was supposed to be the ending to a story that I ended up not writing. So this is just PWP.

**Warning:** PWP, this is a lemon, but not like any lemon I've ever seen. It's not hot, not romantic, not lovey-dovey sweet, not sexy. Yeah, I'm really trying to get you to read this.

**Summary:** Yuuri takes charge of his sex life after learning from a talking plant that the Maou and Wolfram have been having sex for many months and he had been blocking the truth from his memories. This scene would have been the final scene if I actually wrote the freudian-plant-maouram-clueless-Yuuri story. But that scenario (at least the maouram-clueless-Yuuri part) has been overdone.

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**My Not-So-First Time**

So it had finally come to this. My finger was up Wolfram's ass.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked with arms crossed and looking very much like his normal bratty self.

Somehow this was not how I pictured my first time. What was I saying? This was not my first time. I would have smacked myself on the head, but my hand was too busy being stuck doing unthinkable things to Wolfram's anus. Unthinkable for my wimpy personality. For my Maou personality, it was not only thinkable, not only possible, but apparently it occurred with the regularity of rabbits in heat.

"I'm preparing you?" I replied tentatively.

"I think we do it often enough that we can just skip that. Besides, we just had sex a couple of hours ago."

_A couple of hours ago?!_ "Wait a minute," I said aloud. "I was in Gwendal's office signing last minute documents a couple of hours ago."

"What! Even that you don't remember?... You really are a wimp."

"Don't call me a wimp."

Then I realized something. I asked even though I knew the answer already, "We did it in Gwendal's office?"

"On his desk," he answered in a shameless tone though his cheeks reddened a little.

"I don't think Gwendal would appreciate that."

"Do you think I go around discussing my sex life with my family? Do you think I'd go up to Gwendal and make a report about it? 'We've secured the village, Elder Brother, and Yuuri and I had sex on your desk three times last week'. Because I'm sure there's nothing Gwendal likes more than learning that his youngest brother and his king enjoyed getting kinky on top of paperwork."

Always for the straight punch. This guy.

"We did it three times last week... on Gwendal's desk?" I couldn't help repeating.

He rolled his eyes heavenward. Shouldn't he be looking less bratty and more... well, sultry, sweaty, aroused, moaning and groaning. Because last time I checked I still had my finger up his ass. With his attitude, we could have been talking about the particularly nasty weather outside.

"I'm sorry, Wolf, I can't tell which of my memories are real and which ones are dreams." I definitely had relegated memories of sex in strange places to the latter.

I didn't blame him for being put out. I wouldn't know how I would have reacted if the person I had been intimate with everyday for many months admitted to not having knowledge of the acts. And the fact that a talking plant had to tell me was icing on the cake. All in all, his reaction had been fairly calm. For Wolfram, that is. We would have to sleep in his room until they refurnish the royal bedchamber, but at least he didn't destroy any part of the actual castle.

"Can we at least get moving? Two fingers, three fingers, scissoring, or whatever else you think I need to be prepared to take you!"

"Um... yeah, I guess..." I put another finger in as instructed. He was more 'gifted' than I was, perhaps that's why he thought he could just take it up with no problem.

I suppose I should be thankful for, as my mother puts it, snagging Wolfram. I had nothing that would be considered impressive to any girl. In fact, I was naked when I met my future mother-in-law and she called my package cute. I didn't need to impress Wolfram. He had seen me naked hundreds of times and he had stuck with me through thick and thin. Maybe, it was because men preferred smaller wieners because they were less painful. I wouldn't really know, I never surveyed a bunch of gay men on their preferences. Though, if I were really curious, I could ask Gunter. He probably already conducted such a study.

Looking at Wolfram's penis in front of me, I couldn't believe that such a big thing had ever been inside me. I was sure I would be wishing his was about my size when he sticks it up there.

Wolfram certainly was beautiful. Even this part of him. The way it juts majestically from the bed of neat curly golden hair. I wondered if he trimmed, though I didn't doubt that Wolfram could be naturally impeccably perfect. His scrotum looked pretty too. It didn't look ugly or odd like other men's. Not that I made a habit of staring at other mens' balls. But I was sure theirs didn't look so charmingly symmetrical with one ball sitting just slightly higher than the other.

Yes, every part of Wolfram was perfect, from his golden hair to the tips of his toes. His toes were terribly cute even when he was kicking me off the bed. Josak claimed I viewed Wolfram this way because of my love. I wasn't really sure. I didn't know if Wolfram was perfect because I was in love with him or I was in love with him because he was so perfect.

"You know, I'm not going to come with you just staring at it," the egotistical pretty boy commented.

"Oh... um... what did you want me to do?"

"You could either stick me in your mouth or you could finish with whatever you're doing down there and stick it up my ass."

Such a dirty mouth! And yet it seemed my penis was responding. I was freaking hard.

"Should I put the third finger in first or start scissoring? Or am I supposed to scissor with three fingers?" I probably should not have asked my rather impatient partner.

"I fucking don't care, just stick your fucking penis up my fucking ass!" he yelled, "Gods! I never thought sex would ever be this painful!"

"But that's why I'm doing this," I replied helplessly, "so it wouldn't be painful."

"You don't get it, do you wimp?"

"I guess not..."

"Just stick it in there!!! Or gods help me, I will cut your balls and put them in a jar. You're not using them anyway."

"Alright, alright. Don't get mad." I removed my fingers from their current task and fumbled towards the side table.

"Now, what are you doing?" he asked in an irritated tone.

"I'm getting the oil," I replied. Was I not suppose to get some type of lubrication? From my understanding of human anatomy, assholes didn't produce their own. Or was this a magical ability that demons had that I didn't know about? I hated to ask, but I was going to have to. My mind had a difficulty on its own even comprehending that a straight man like me was having gay sex. "D-dont we need it for... um... lubrication? You do need lube... I mean wouldn't it be painful..."

"Of course, I need it. It's not a vagina you know. What do they teach you in that world of yours?!"

"Well, then why are you asking what I was doing?!" I retorted angrily.

I had always thought sexual frustration was caused by not getting any, I didn't think you could actually experience it while having sex.

He answered in an uneven tone that told me he was barely suppressing his desire to strangle me, "You, the Maou, don't need to _get_ oil. You have control over the elements."

"Ah!" I said. Certain memories impressed themselves on my head and I understood what he meant. Somehow, it made me feel uncomfortable. It felt like I was using my governmental powers for my own personal non-political agenda. "Can we just use this for now?"

He waved his elegant hand in acquiescence.

I pop the top off the bottle and started lathering my stiff member with oil. I made the mistake of glancing up and saw Wolfram's hungry look. Performance anxiety suddenly settled in. Oh my god! How was I, an average boy in high school, satisfy this beautiful creature. I was sure that if he had been a girl, I would be feeling very nervous right about now. It was much much worse with him because he was a hundred times prettier than any girl.

I stopped stroking when my hands started trembling and I tried to cover for it by holding his legs up and positioning myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked when I didn't enter him.

"I-I... I'm just nervous, that's all," I replied.

"Yuuri, we've done this hundreds of times..."

"Like this?!" I didn't mean for it to sound like a whine, but it did.

"Why do you think Gwendal always banishes me to bed the day after you return from Earth?"

I had wondered. I was still wondering. "I thought I was bringing back some type of germs that was making you sick. You're saying that wasn't it?"

"Do you need me to spell it out?"

As a matter of fact, yes, I did need him to spell it out. His legs were on my shoulders and I was grabbing his thighs for support. There was just way too much information getting into my head and I was not processing them nearly as fast as I should. The warning red lights hadn't stopped since we started. Sensory overload. Abort. Abort. But I refuse to go Maou-mode. I want to experience sex without the Maou's intervention dammit!

He gave a big sigh, "Because of our tendency to go at it all night after each separation, Gwendal had in his own taciturn way requested that I not top you on your first night back. He hinted heavily that he could not afford to lose the king for even one day, and that I was more readily dispensable."

"Huh?"

"Honestly!!! You fuck me in the ass for hours on end each and every time you come back from Earth and that is why I can never get out of bed the morning after!"

"Oh, I see. Is that why you always yell for me to take responsibility when I say I'd call Gisela to come heal you?"

His only reply was to blush furiously. I suppose I wouldn't be able to look the healer in the eye and tell her what the cause of my symptoms were. Now, it made sense why even Gwendal insisted I was the one to heal Wolfram. I thought they just wanted me to get some practice on healing.

"Can we get a move on? Or are we going to discuss something else? Perhaps we should start discussing the recent price hike on apples?"

"There's a price hike on apples?" I repeated stupidly.

"Aarrgh!!!" His back lifted and he reached between his legs for my dick. He positioned it right at his entrance and commanded, "Push!"

I obeyed the order and started moving my hips forward. Oh my god! My penis was entering Wolfram's ass. My penis was entering Wolfram's ass. My penis was entering Wolfram's ass. My penis was completely inside Wolfram's ass.

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! It was so freaking tight. Why did he feel so fucking good? Oh no! I was going to come! Baseball! Baseball! Baseball! Baseball!

I didn't realize I was chanting aloud until he told me to shut it.

"Oh gods! Wolf! Wolf!" I started breathing shallowly the way I taught him how to row a boat. Hee-hee hooo! Hee-hee hooo! "Wolf, does it feel this way with a girl?"

The pain of having my hair almost pulled out of my head stopped me from climaxing. The blond tempest twisted my head so his lips were right by my ear.

"You will not, now nor ever, speak of women while having sex with me," he said carefully pronouncing each word.

"Y-yes sir," I replied.

He let go of my hair slowly as if he was afraid more stupid words would come out of my mouth. Not that I blame him, stupid words were already forming in my head.

"Now move!" he commanded.

I jerked forward.

And came.

God, I was so pathetic.

Wolfram readily agreed, "You. Are. Such. A. Wimp."

"I am so sorry. Please forgive me. You just feel too good."

I started pulling out. Holy shit! My knees almost gave way. Everything felt hypersensitive. I collapsed beside him with a grunt.

I was coming down from my high and started feeling fatigued. And then he smacked me!

"What!" I cried out.

"You don't think we're done do you?"

What else was there? I stuck it in his ass, I came. End of story. I knew I performed terribly, but I wasn't going to be ready in the next two seconds. Gods, he was so demanding.

I felt his body rise then I felt myself being flipped on my back. My legs were parted and he knelt between them. He leaned over, his hands on either side of me. I was drowning in his scent, in his eyes, in his presence. I felt my dick twitch in appreciation as his touched mine.

"For all the pain of the past hour or so, I will not settle for anything less than a complete blowjob or full on anal sex. I have no intention of suffering through your bumbling foolishness and risk being grazed by your teeth so you can guess what we're going to do next."

Oh no! I didn't plan for this!

"Wolfram," I started, "uh..."

"Yes?"

"It's just... I was..."

An elegantly raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't expecting to do this until, you know... until I got used to the idea of this one part first."

"You were hoping to take things more slowly?"

"Well, yes."

"Too bad."

"What?!"

"I said, too bad."

He pushed his hips towards mine and I responded almost immediately. Was I really this insatiable?

He knelt back up and raised my hips and I realized he was starting already.

"Wait!"

"What now?"

"You can't just go in like that? I mean even wo-- I mean some people even need foreplay... Don't you have to prepare me or something? You're bigger than me and... it looks painful." I finished with another whine.

His face softened with understanding. _Gods! Wolfram von Bielefeld, why are you so beautiful?_ It was no wonder I was in love with him.

"I'm not that much bigger, but okay I'll play along. Just this once," he said as he reached over for the oil.

"Thanks," I replied smiling.

"If you weren't so cute..." he said as his lashes fluttered softly on blushing cheeks.

Then I felt it. One! One finger up my ass!

"Just so you know," he said, "I do love you."

Then he bent down and kissed me. His finger was moving in and out and the friction felt weird and surprisingly good. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since according to him and my faulty memory and one talking plant, we had done this many many times before.

Two! Two fingers up my ass!

His lips went down the side of my jaw and I felt his tongue lick my neck just right above the collarbone. I opened up more to get a better feel of what was happening down there.

Three! Three fingers up my ass!

Lightning illuminated the room suddenly and less than a second later the thunder came.

He was sucking on my nipple and his fingers moved languidly in and out. I squirmed, it wasn't enough. I moaned, "...more." Gods! I sounded so wanton. I tried to move in time with his rhythm so I could get as much of his fingers inside me as I could, but I couldn't match it. It was frustrating.

"Nnn... Wolf..."

He stopped licking me and he straightened back up. He removed his fingers and I screamed, "Nooo!!!" My ass felt so... so... lonely. I whimpered.

He gave me a look of surprise and that calmed me back down. "I'm just getting ready," he said innocently.

I nodded as I watched him pour oil on his palm and applied it to his penis. I watched mesmerized at the glistening member as he stroke it. I couldn't help but reach for my own and match what he was doing. I was breathing hard and I could feel my heart pounding heavily inside my chest. He smiled coquettishly as he stopped and leaned to kiss me deeply.

His tongue quickly darted in as soon as my lips parted. If there was a prize to be given for best kisser, I would have to award it to Wolfram. Not that I had any experience with anyone else, but I was willing to bet my life that no one could kiss as well as he.

I loved the taste of his tongue. I wondered why it tasted so sweet. Perhaps it was all due to the cakes and desserts he liked eating. Or maybe, Wolfram just tasted naturally good because he was Wolfram. I liked the way his tongue glided onto mine, the way he sucked a little or thrust a little and the way he bit gently on my lower lip. I'd tell him to teach a class on kissing but I wouldn't want to share this with anyone else.

"There's no pain is there?" he mumbled onto my mouth.

I growled. How was I suppose to answer when I had someone else's tongue in my mouth? How did he manage it?

"You're not nervous anymore are you?" he asked.

"Wrsdf wrdrp."

He lifted his lips away giving me one final lick on my lower lip. He had a big smile on his face. It was the smile of a satisfied cat who just caught a mountain of mice.

"I'm completely inside you," he pointed out.

"Oh!" I replied eloquently.

"You're so easily distracted, I hope you don't mind. I didn't want to listen to you do a play by play as I entered. You babble a lot when you're nervous."

Such a freaking smooth operator. Shameless too.

I could feel him inside me but he hadn't started moving.

He straightened up and lifted my legs and I felt him go deeper. My eyes opened wide. Now I really really felt him.

"Get ready for the main event. And this time, I want you to feel every single sensation." He was wearing an evil smile, green eyes sparkled with mischief. He may be pretty, but he was still damned conceited.

I felt him withdraw creating wonderful sensations on my entrance. Then he smoothly jerked back in.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!"

I heard him snigger.

What the fuck! That was the spot, wasn't it? The infamous spot. Oh my god! He hit it again. And again. And again. Holy cow! Holy Kohi! Holy cucumber! Holy fucking whatever else was out there!

"Wolf! I'm coming," I yelled as I fisted the sheets beside me.

I felt two fingers push a spot between my anus and scrotum and I climaxed. A mind-blowing orgasm swept through my body as he kept pounding his dick inside me. Wolfram's penis was in my ass! And I couldn't care less.

When the last waves of pleasure left my body, I put my arm over my eyes as I tried to calm my breathing. "I guess I'm gay," I said in a hoarse whisper.

"You're an idiot is what you are," he retorted.

He was still pounding me and I realized my cock was still hard with arousal.

"Hey, I didn't ejaculate." And I was still very much turned on.

"Yes. I. Am. That. Good." Wolfram said punctuating each word with a thrust.

I felt like I just won a big jackpot. Confetti should be raining down on us and a cheesy announcer should be giving me a big fake cardboard check containing tons of zeros.

He grabbed my dick and started stroking it. The sensations of his hand moving up and down my cock and the feel of his gliding in and out with the head hitting that spot perfectly. It didn't take long. We were both sweating and breathing hard. He felt me coming and, again, he put two fingers on that spot between my balls and my anus. I experienced another intense orgasm and he continued to pound me.

When I came back down again, he withdrew and flipped me on my stomach. He gripped my hips and forced me to kneel spreading my cheeks before I felt the the unmistakable push of his tip on my entrance. I dropped to my elbows and groaned onto the mattress as he pushed in.

I felt the bottle of oil roll down towards my head. I took it and popped the top with my teeth. I clumsily put some oil on my hand as Wolfram continued to fuck me. I tried putting the top back on, then gave up. _Screw it_. I tossed it on the floor as I grabbed my dick and started stroking myself furiously.

"Yuuri..." he moaned as he gripped my hips harder. "I... I'm... com... nnnn..."

I felt him pulsate as he ejaculated inside me and I stroke even faster. I came as his body crashed onto mine.

We stayed in that position for a while. I was smiling like mad. My cheeks were frozen in that grin, I didn't think I could will them down even if I tried. I could still feel the pleasure thrumming through my body.

"Hey, Wolf, I never knew sex could be that good."

"Hmph, you got lucky because you chose your fiancé so well."

I hummed my appreciation.

"And before you ask. Because we both know you're an idiot. And you would ask. No. Girls don't feel the same. Other men don't feel the same either. Everyone is different. So sex is different. The feelings that you have for the other person is what makes sex good or bad. Though bad sex can occur even if you do love each other. It's just like anything, you have to work at it."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Come on," he said as he got up, "let's get cleaned up."

The air felt cold where his body was a second ago. "No... not my Wolfram blanket..."

He snickered and playfully punched me on the shoulder, "Come on wimp. I'll even carry you."

I sat up and looked at his back. "Um... I thought you're carrying me."

"Piggyback ride silly."

I snickered and put my arms around his neck as he grabbed my legs.

"Wolf..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're not a girl."

"Really? For years, wasn't that what you wanted?"

"A girl wouldn't carry me."

"Don't get too spoiled, I expect you to carry me half the time."

_I will._

End.

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_**A/N:** As always, reviews, concrits, any kind of feedback is welcome, even a bunch of hahaha's.


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